Treat PE yourself
Be your own sex therapist. You can treat PE without a therapist. Alone or with a partner.
Sex therapy was first designed for couples. Single men were told that they had to “get a partner”.
If you are single, you could wait until you find the right partner and then carry out the exercises with them. But, it is much better to start improving your control on your own. The great sexual confidence that you gain from this will make it easier to find the right partner. And you will be in a much better position to complete the process of gaining intravaginal control later on.
But even if you do have a willing girlfriend, wife or partner, there are some definite advantages to making progress on your own before you ask her to become involved.
To begin with, it is vital that you are in a relaxed and calm state when you practice control. The exercises do not work if you are too tense. By beginning the exercises on your own you have the advantage of avoiding the embarrassment of “doing it all wrong” in front of an “audience.” It is quite common in the beginning of the training session, before he gets the hang of the exercises, for a man to ejaculate before he stops the penile stimulation or for him to pause too long and lose his erection. It is important to note, that trial and error is part of the normal learning process, and you need to be free to learn from your mistakes without getting anxious about how your lover might react. Also, and very important, working by yourself for a short while until you start to discover how your body reacts allows you to be free to concentrate on your sexual excitement which, after all, is the crucial factor for your cure. You can practice more productively with your partner later, when you are confident that you are able to control your ejaculations when masturbating, without trying to hold back, simply by varying the speed and intensity of your penile stimulation.
However, there are some situations where sex therapists advise that it is better to start the program with your partner right from the beginning. If your partner is a highly emotional and rejection-sensitive woman, she may feel left out when you inform her that you are planning to carry out the exercises on your own initially. Or, if you are uncomfortable about masturbating, you might get too tense to be able to gain benefit from the solo exercises. If this is the case, it is preferable to go straight to interrupted penile stimulation with your partner.
Do the exercises in an organised way
If you want the start-up solo exercise to work, do not do the program in a haphazard manner. To get results it is important to commit yourself to doing the program in a disciplined and systematic way, just as you would if you were consulting a sex therapist weekly. If you just begin the exercises a few times and then have a break from training and stop them for a few weeks, after which you try them again, you are not allowing yourself a fair chance to succeed in stopping your premature ejaculation. Unless you are prepared to do the exercises regularly and consistently, step by step, two or three times every week, you will not get the full training benefit and you might end up more discouraged and frustrated than before.
Talking to your partner
Communication with your partner is vital. The importance of getting the wholehearted cooperation of your partner is essential. You do not have a therapist to help you by asking her to work with you, so you will have to ask her yourself.
First and foremost, you should communicate openly and honestly with her. Do not be afraid. A decent woman will not be turned off if you admit your vulnerabilities to her. She will not lose her respect for you if you tell her how badly you have felt about your lack of control and about disappointing her, and how reluctant you were to face your problem. On the contrary, most women feel much closer to a man and more loving and protective when he openly shares his innermost feelings with her.
Before you start, it may help to read the advice given to couples in this article:
The same principles apply for doing this alone, except that you will be carrying out the interrupted penile stimulation on yourself.
Solo stage 1 – focusing on your pleasurable penile sensations
Get relaxed and comfortable. Ensure that you will not be disturbed or distracted. Start to masturbate in your usual, familiar way – with your hand, or by rubbing your penis on the bed or between your thighs; lying on your back, side, or stomach; standing up or sitting down; using a light stroke or a frim one; stroking the tip of the penis or the whole shaft.
Now slow down a little bit and focus on the pleasurable sensations coming from your penis as you stimulate youself and as your excitement rises. Pay special attention to how it feels just before you come, just before you reach the emission phase. And then let go and enjoy your climax.
Solo stage 2 – stop-start penile stimulation
A day or two or three later, masturbate again in relaxed undisturbed conditions. It does not matter which position you are in, but this time use your hand only. Stop stimulating yourself when you reach a high level of arousal, close to an orgasm. Now, stop for a few seconds – not long enough to lose your erection, but long enough for your level of excitement to go down a little bit. Then recommence the rhythmic stroking of the shaft and tip of your penis again. Repeat the interrupt three further times. On the fourth time let yourself ejaculate as fast and freely as you can. Throughout this whole experience, focus and concentrate on your pleasurable penile sensations. Do not try to hold back.
Solo stage 3 – “Wet” stop-start penile stimulation
Now repeat exercise number two every two or three days until you become familiar with the pre-orgasmic sensations and begin to feel a bit more control. Those men who have very severe premature ejaculation – those who come almost at once – may need at least ten or more trials before they are ready to proceed to the next step. Other men seem to learn adequate sensory awareness on self-stimulation after repeating the solo exercise only two or three times. If you happen to require a lot of practice before you master this step, do not worry, the outcome can still be excellent even if it takes longer.
Then repeat the sensory-focused interrupted self-stimulation, standing up in the shower. Run warm water and use soapy suds on your hands as lubricant. This is relaxing and very soothing and breaks up the old behaviour patterns.
Those men who feel uncomfortable masturbating in the shower can skip this step and stimulate themselves in any position or location, using their preferred lubricant such as baby oil or Vaseline instead. This achieves the same purpose, namely, learning control on “wet” stimulation which is important because this feels very much like thrusting into the moist vagina.
When you are able to make the pleasure last for about three minutes before you have to stop, you are ready for the next step. Just estimate the time approximately, do not take a stopwatch into the shower with you! To succeed need to learn to go with the pleasure. Thinking about how long you are lasting interferes with this.
Solo stage 4 – slow-fast penile stimulation
Now repeat the stop-start exercise either in the shower, which some therapists advise, because it is clean, slippery, and a new environment for most men, or masturbate with a lubricant if you feel more pleasure that way. On this occasion do not stop stimulating yourself when you have reached a high level of sexual excitement. Instead, slow down the speed of the stroking. At first you may have to almost stop before you regain control. However, after repeating a few times you will get the hang of it and learn to control your excitement merely by slowing down a little bit. Later, when you are in your lover’s vagina, and you have become a bit too excited, you can just slow down to a gentler rhythm for a short while, just as you are doing for practice now, and you will be okay. This is much less frustrating to your lover than stopping altogether.
Solo stage five – learning to stay aroused
Now you are ready for the final exercise which is best carried out alone before your partner joins you. This stage is learning to keep yourself at a steady level of intense sexual arousal
By now you should be much more familiar and in tune with your sexual sensations. Now, rate the degree of your sexual excitement (not your erection) on a subjective scale of 0-10. Zero is a level at which you are feeling absolutely no sexual excitement at all. Level 10 is when you reach orgasm. In the previous stages you should have been stopping penile stimulation when you were at a level of about 8 ½. If you tried to go to 9 ½ , then you went a bit too far, and if you stopped at, say, 4 or 5 you ended the stimulation a little too soon. Remember, the purpose of this program is not to keep your excitement down until you want to come. That is no fun at all, and besides it does not work. The objective is for you to learn not to ejaculate while staying at the intensely pleasurable sexual plateau phase which precedes orgasm, and to be able to enjoy the delicious sensations of being highly aroused instead of trying to hold back.
Now go back to the shower (or the lubricant). Stimulate yourself until you reach 6 or so and then slow down until your sexual excitement goes down to 5. Then speed up to about 7 and try to maintain the level of excitement between 5 and 7 for about two minutes or so. Again, do not try to hold back – that interferes with the learning process. Practice controlling the degree of excitement and arousal simply by changing the speed with which you are masturbating and the pressure that you are exerting on your penis. After you have stayed pleasurably aroused for around two minutes or so, let go and enjoy your orgasm.
A word of caution. Do not try to stay at too high a level of arousal at first – 8 or 9 are likely to be too close to orgasm.
Continue practising this until you are able to maintain high levels of excitement without ejaculating for about five minutes. During real life sexual intercourse, most men stay between levels of 5 and 7, except for brief peaks of 8 or so, until they are ready to go all the way and come. Few men are able to or want to remain at level 9. By that time most men are eager to ejaculate.
…to be completed very soon
Any man who wants to naturally last longer immediately and for the rest of their life, regardless of the degree of their premature ejaculation, will benefit from the Ejaculation Trainer.
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