Premature Ejaculation – Questions and Answers (continued) – article two
How is premature ejaculation treated?
The satisfactory treatment of quick ejaculation, in common with all other sexual problems, ideally requires a sympathetic, involved and motivated partner: treatment is difficult without a partner’s co-operation.
There are ways of treating premature ejaculation without a partner. For more information go to: The Ejaculation Trainer Site.
One of the biggest problems met in treating quick ejaculation (and other sexual problems) is the difficulty experienced in trying to create a situation where the person with the difficulty is relaxed and sexually aroused at the same time. There is no question that if a man wants to be able to delay his ejaculation, he must be able to feel relaxed and at ease with his partner in bed. However, very often his feelings of well-being rapidly disappear during intercourse, when the need to please his partner seems to destroy any sense of sexual self-composure, with the result that he ejaculates quickly.
One way of attempting to deal with this sense of sexual anxiety and reduced confidence is for the man’s partner to go out of her way to play a passive and non-demanding role during sex play and intercourse. For example, some women are very active during intercourse, moving their groins rhythmically against the man’s body in a thrusting manner. Both the physical and psychological consequences of this kind of behaviour can be disastrous for a man who is uncertain how long he can last during intercourse. Similarly, if she is a noisy lover or, for example, verbally invites him to ‘thrust harder’, this invitation will often trigger the ejaculatory reflex. It may not be easy for her to play this more passive role, but if she can, it may make all the difference between success and failure. Eventually as her partner becomes more confident and is able to delay ejaculation, she can resume a more active role.
Treatment initially aims to help the couple put their problem into perspective so that they do not regard it as a catastrophe. For example, if the man can delay ejaculation during self-masturbation and perhaps during masturbation by his partner, he can reassure himself that there cannot be anything seriously wrong with the mechanism that controls ejaculation. Part of his problem is that he becomes over-excited when he is physically and emotionally aroused at the point when he penetrates the vagina.
Also, one characteristic of some men who ejaculate quickly is that they often put their partner on a pedestal and subordinate themselves to them sexually. A man may have a strong personality in other avenues of life, but in bed, he is often over-preoccupied with pleasing his partner. Counselling is then directed towards helping recognize this aspect of his personality and teaching him to be more assertive in this part of his life.
The role of his partner then needs to be examined. Sometimes, a man who ejaculates rapidly regards himself as being rejected emotionally and sexually, whether this is actually true or not. If he believes it to be so, such a belief can have a devastating effect on his sexual response. Strenuous attempts should, therefore, be made to help the couple to communicate with each other honestly about their feelings towards each other so that he can be reassured that she does love him and wants to share her life with him.
Behaviour therapy is the practical aspect to this treatment programme and is divided into for parts.
In the first stage, the couple are encouraged to begin to pleasure each other without any immediate sexual goals. This is known as senate focus.
The second stage is known as masturbation training, which the man does on his own. He is advised to masturbate regularly and is encouraged to fantasize about sexual intercourse with a chosen partner. Some of the men who ejaculate quickly do not enjoy masturbation very much, and therefore they need to be persuaded that this is an important stage of the treatment plan. This exercise is important because to helps the man to recognize the sensations in his penis just before the point of no return. Some sex therapists believe that men who ejaculate quickly are not very good at knowing when they are about to do so, and they need to become increasingly aware of the feelings that they have in their penis just before they ejaculate. In a lot of cases, a man who ejaculates early during intercourse can last as long as he wants to during self- or even partner-masturbation and only ejaculates on penetration. However, whether he ejaculates rapidly or not, he should practice the following.
There are two techniques used to delay ejaculation. The squeeze technique involves squeezing the top of the penis between the finger and thumb just below the corona (the rim) of the glans – in other words, just below the head of the penis. Pressure applied in this place will usually block the ejaculatory reflex rather like stopping a sneeze by pressing the lip beneath one’s nose. In the stop-start technique, the man brings himself almost to the point of coming and then stops, restarting stimulation once the urge to ejaculate has gone. This should be repeated three or four times before e he allows himself to come.
By using one or other, or both, of these techniques, he should eventually attempt to delay ejaculation for as long as ten to fifteen minutes. This should not prove difficult. It is important to accompany masturbation with sexy and arousing fantasies. Once this delay is achieved – say, by self-masturbation twice a week – he should repeat the exercise using KY jelly, baby oil or other lubricant on the penis to stimulate the moistness of the vagina.
The third stage involves repeating the squeeze or stop-start technique, but this time, his partner will be joining in, masturbating him and keeping close body contact. He can indicate to his partner when ejaculation is imminent but not inevitable, and then signal her to squeeze or withhold stimulation. If by any chance he ejaculates, the important thing is to enjoy the experience and not regard it as a failure. Initially, the squeeze needs to be quite hard to achieve its objective, although he may temporarily lose his erection. This exercise can then be repeated using the preferred lubricant. When he is able to last four to six minutes with his partner, he is ready for the final stage.
The fourth, and final, stage involves repeating the squeeze and/or stop-start techniques, but this time the penis is progressively introduced into the vagina. Initially, it should only be placed between the labia of the vulva, and he should ejaculate there. The next time, he should come just at the entrance of the vagina, and finally, progressively deeper penetration and ejaculation can be tried. The penis usually has to be withdrawn from the vagina so that the squeeze can be applied, although the base of the penis can be squeezed instead. Ideally, the man should be on his back on order to achieve this, but other positions can be tried to find the best one.
Once full penetration is achieved, the woman on top might try experimenting by playing a more active role, very gently moving her body rhythmically, while the man remains passive until he is certain that there is no need to ejaculate. Alternatively, he can try being on top with her playing the passive role. Each couple should experiment to establish which approach produces the best result. If there is early ejaculation, neither should worry about it but enjoy the experience since, sooner or later, some degree of control will be learned.
After very extensive research on the internet and reading all books and publications (I have read a lot) on methods to treat premature ejaculation, the best long term side-effect free way of treating premature ejaculation is to be found in the publication EjaculationTrainer by Matt Gordon.
to be completed very soon.